The Story Behind the Painting: "Breathe in the Sun"

"Breathe in the Sun"  44" x 65"  Acrylic on Paper

Why do artists paint what they paint?  In this blog series for 2019 I will be telling the story behind my paintings; why I do what I do.  I'll be revealing my artwork through the story of my life. I just finished a giant acrylic painting entitled "Breathe in the Sun." One of my last artworks of 2018. The story of this painting begins with a revelation about myself that many people are surprised to hear. For the last couple of years (and throughout my life) I have dealt with anxiety and panic attacks.  For those who are dealing with any mental illness you know that is not easily overcome. It is a disease and it is okay to talk about.  A couple of months ago I was frustrated, anxious and really tired of all that was happening.  I got out a huge roll of printmaking paper that I have had since College, taped it to my studio wall and went to work.  I painted with anxiousness, anger, and a lot of passion. To be honest I made a huge mess of my new studio. I had an image of the sunset over the water, but I didn't want to paint it in the normal way.  I needed the sun to be energy.  The energy and heat of the earth, and the freedom from my thoughts. After my first layer was finished I realized that I had completely let go of any notion of painting and was focused on pure creation.  For the next two months I continued to put layers of paint on this paper (maybe 3-5 total layers).  Each paint layer was scraped, dripped, and painted over.  Areas were destroyed, making way for more beauty and ugliness.   Some people will look at this painting and see a mess.  For me I look at this painting and see Freedom!.  Freedom from worry, anxiety, mistakes, and the stress of everyday life.  What does this painting say to you?  I would love to know your thoughts and I hope you enjoy the story behind the creation of this painting.